My cat, Mystery, in her bed on my work counter after our morning kitty time.
My daily routine starts like this: wake up around 6:30am, rise around 6:45. Perform the necessary bathroom ritual. Scuffle to the kitchen, grab a cup of coffee. Let the dog outside, follow the loudly complaining cat to her food bowl and pour in her daily ration of cat kibble (she’s on a weight loss plan). Sit down at the computer, check e-mail. Make room in my lap for the cat, who has finished her breakfast and wants some love for dessert.
That last bit’s the important part. Although I’m a working writer and need to get started on my day’s tasks, I always carve out 5-10 minutes of morning kitty time. I focus on Mystery, petting and scratching her. As I knead the soft fur of her chest, she purrs loudly and turns her gaze up to me with half-closed eyes. Kitty bliss.
It’s mama bliss, too. During that little span of time, I feel relaxed and centered. The house hasn’t woken up yet. I’m all alone in my home office, watching the backyard slowly fill with sunlight, listening to the birds argue outside, warming myself by the wall heater as it churns out hot air, awakening my creative brain with a dose of hot caffeine perfectly brewed by my husband.
In a few minutes, Mystery will have had enough stroking. She’ll rise, stretch, and make her way across my work counter to her bed, strategically placed below the window and across from the heater for her comfort. She’ll clean and preen and nap. That’s my cue to start my workday.
When I think about carving out time for myself, I almost always think to myself, “When do I have time to do that?” My workdays run nine to ten hours. Factor in preparing meals, grocery shopping, housekeeping, laundry, running errands with Mom, taking Mom to lunch occasionally (because it’s one of her few remaining pleasures), tending the garden in the summer, spending weekends with my stepdaughter and granddaughter, trying to have an occasional date night with Lee… where in that list can I find an hour to spend alone, doing something just for myself? It feels impossible.
This post at the CaringWise blog reminded me it’s not. Recharging your caregiver batteries doesn’t require vast lengths of time or huge changes to your routine. In fact, you can work “me time” into your routine incrementally. This approach will accomplish several things. First, if you incorporate small changes into your routine, it’s easier for everyone to adapt. This is especially crucial if you’re caring for a loved one at home, who’s already used to a certain routine. Incremental changes are easier to absorb.
Second, planning self-care into your daily routine will help you and your loved ones respect your needs and wishes. I frequently hear caregivers (and parents of young children) bemoan the fact that family members don’t respect their boundaries: children barge in on parents taking a phone call in private, spouses enter the bathroom without knocking and expect to discuss finances when their significant other is enjoying a hot bath, carees demand to have their toenails clipped after the caregiver has said goodnight. All of these actions denote a lack of respect for the caregiver’s needs (though loved ones with dementia frequently can’t comprehend or process the concept of ‘boundaries’).
If you work small changes into your daily routine — and enforce them — your family members will adapt. Just as if you announce you’re changing laundry day from Wednesday to Monday, informing your family members that you’re changing your bedtime from 10:00pm to 9:00 may meet with some initial resistance. But if you stick to your guns, eventually this new routine will feel natural to everyone. You’ll get some time to read a book or watch TV in bed, and before long no one will remember things were ever any different.
My morning kitty time hasn’t always been part of my routine. It’s something that evolved as I transitioned from working as a nurse to working from home as a freelance writer. And as life changes in the future, such as when Mom eventually comes to live with us, I’ll refine my routine even more. You can be sure I’ll work in plenty of ‘me time’ so I can remain a competent and cheerful caregiver.
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