The Cheerful Caregiver

As a writer, I interview people and sometimes am, myself, interviewed. Yesterday, while chatting on my cell phone with a journalist, I heard the familiar beep that told me another call was coming in. Looking at the face of my iPhone, I could see it was my mom calling. I ignored it. A few moments later, the same thing happened. I ignored the call again. Then my home phone started ringing (yes, I still have a landline). Mom. Again.

I get frustrated with this behavior sometimes. It feels like a toddler banging on the bathroom door every time you have to poop. Mom knows I work from home, knows I’m home all day, and professes to respect my work time. But yesterday? Not so much.

And I’m not the only target. Mom also incessantly calls my sister in a different state and her siblings located around the country. She has nothing specific to talk about; she merely wants “the news.” In short: She’s lonely.

I’m certainly not condemning my mother for this behavior and hope my words don’t come across that way. However, I do sometimes feel she violates my boundaries. And I won’t deny it annoys me.

Recently, I received an interesting free ebook written by Adriane Berg, a noted expert on seniors and aging. Her free PDF ebook, Just Keep Talking: 3 Simple Steps to Getting and Staying Connected at Any Age (which she has graciously offered to Cheerful Caregiver readers), discusses the importance of conversation to and for seniors.

Among the fascinating facts Berg shares? Socialization (including just talking to someone regularly) will help elders stay healthier and live longer. Conversation also can improve cognition.

While Berg’s ebook is directed more at seniors, themselves, family caregivers can take away some great ideas for helping their loved ones socialize. Here are a few tips:

• If you can’t have a face-to-face conversation every day with your loved one, make a phone call instead. This simple act stimulates a sense of connectivity that’s so important to our senior population.
• Learn to become a better communicator, yourself, so you can facilitate meaningful conversations with your older loved one.
• Actively solicit your loved one’s opinions and thoughts on specific topics, such as current events. This will help boost his or her self-esteem.
• Engage in “life review” chats, especially if your loved one is experiencing cognitive decline or dementia. Encourage him or her to recount significant episodes from his or her life and then talk about the meaning of these events.
• If your loved one suffers from hearing loss, try using an assistive device or simply face them directly while speaking slowly and clearly. You don’t need to shout. Actually, lowering your vocal register often works better to help someone with hearing loss comprehend your words.

Berg’s free ebook (offered above) is packed with great suggestions for keeping your senior caree engaged in life. I highly recommend it. (Note: I have no financial or other affiliation with Berg and take no responsibility for the security or content linked within her book.)

As for me? Well, I feel bad for feeling peeved with Mom yesterday. The reason she called me so much was because she was upset about the Boston Marathon bombings. By telephoning incessantly, she actually was reaching out for comfort. I need to be more aware of that and to adjust my work schedule to support and accommodate Mom’s need for connecting with me in a tangible way.

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